**spoilers and trigger warning for loss and abuse**
Hi everyone, Happy Summer!
I usually dislike the weather warming up. I find British heat, for want of a better term, sticky. British homes are built to retain heat because 9 months of the year, it’s cold, particularly at night. This always proves to be a nightmare during the summer, the heat becomes unbearable - we don’t have air conditioning in the UK, either. Despite this, I’ve been enjoying wearing mini dresses when I go out and eating ice cream. I’ve recently redecorated my bedroom; I have a forest green, cottage-core theme going on accompanied by (artificial) sunflowers on my windowsill. Don’t be fooled, my crochet pumpkins are still safely stored away waiting for their time to shine.
Unbelievably, we’ve been doing this for nearly a year. I’m so grateful I started this website when I did, it has provided me with so much solace during times in the last eleven months where I felt incredibly alone. Creating the Instagram account was a massive help - I’ve connected with many of you individually and know you by name. All I’ve ever wanted was an audience for my writing - thank you so, so much. I plan on making you all proud!
In my first ever blog post I talked about the authors that inspired me growing up. I started reading Jacqueline Wilson’s novels at a pivotal age; I was 10, and the content in her books provided me with a lot of the knowledge I’d need to survive secondary school. The majority of her protagonists were, shockingly, also 10. Right there and then I learnt to be grateful for my parents, my school and my friends. My favourite of her books was actually her autobiography, Jacky Daydream. Her childhood was almost identical to mine, save for the fact that she’s an only child and that we grew up in different eras. I found her love for reading and writing and her intense fear of failure extremely relatable.
The first of Jacqueline’s books that I remember reading was Lola Rose. My Dad bought me a box set of her novels from Costco and I recognised the front cover. My best friend Chloe had read it a few months prior and for a hot minute, our class teacher had let us sit together on the seating plan. The titular character is actually called Jayni and her mother, Nikki, wins the lottery at the start of the book. Alongside Kenny, the little brother, the trio use the money to leave their father, Jay, who has been physically abusive towards Nikki and for the first time, Jayni.
I was an incredibly naive 10-year-old, who believed that women couldn’t physically carry babies unless they were married and in their 20’s. Growing up in a religious, ethnic household meant that whenever I asked my mum where babies came from I was told that God delivered them; there was no ‘talk’ to be had about sex. For a while, I sincerely believed that babies were delivered in sacks via pelican thanks to the opening scene of Dumbo. Imagine my surprise when I read that Nikki had given birth to Jayni as a teenager. The family change their names and start a new life for themselves and for a while, are successful in doing so. Jayni and her brother attend a new school under their new identities and for the first time, Jayni can say she has a ‘best friend’. Things go south very quickly, though; Nikki is diagnosed with breast cancer, prompting Jayni to contact her estranged Auntie Barbara when the family are in need of support. Auntie Barbara, despite not being in contact with the family for years, turns out to be the hero the reader is seeking in such a dark story; her arrival is prompt and she comes bearing treats, and the financial backing the family is seeking. Jay makes a brief return towards the end of the novel and is just as scary as ever; his passive aggression is evident from the moment Jayni enters the flat and sees him. Initially, he is kind, relieved and happy to see his family again, only to once again physically threaten them. He blames Barbara for splitting the family apart.
Lola Rose was the first book I read that not only covered abuse but illness in the family. I’d known up until then that cancer was a terrible illness to contract but I’d never read or seen anything regarding the treatments. Nikki undergoes chemotherapy in the novel and suffers from the side effects and at one point, has to be readmitted due to contracting a high fever. The novel has a moderately happy ending, however; we’re not told whether or not Nikki enters remission, but Jayni tells readers that the doctors are pleased with her progress.
Vicky Angel is about death; the titular character dies within the first few chapters. Vicky and Jade are best friends and have been for as long as they remember, though it’s clear there’s a power imbalance between the two. I’ve realised, growing up, that this is a dynamic prevalent to most pairs of best friends. You either grow out of it or one of you will always be the orchestrator of what goes on. I've never been the instigator personally.
Vicky remains the leader of the two even in death. After her death in a car accident, she appears in front of Jade as a ghost and communicates with her. Jade is initially delighted, having carried a great amount of guilt for the accident despite not being responsible, but later realises having Vicky around incessantly isn’t at all what she wants. She finds herself unable to move on, as Vicky interferes in her decisions and attempts to form new friendships. At one point, Vicky's ghost convinces Jade to miss school and catch a train to London. The best friends go to Hamley's and play with the dolls in the store which on it's own, is a charming and poignant moment. On the way home however, Vicky's ghost taunts Jade over her death and asks Jade to jump off the moving train so that the pair can perpetually be together forever. Jade relents, though Vicky's ghost continues to guilt trip her throughout the rest of the book.
Instances like that make me ponder whether the ghost was Jade's imagination; her survivor's guilt may have been playing with her. However, Jade isn't able to control Vicky's emotions or actions, which suggests she may actually be there.
My Sister Jodie is an extremely distressing read; after her parents get jobs in a boarding school in the countryside, Jodie is forced to move with her family. She is no longer the ‘cool’ one and is constantly mocked for her dyed hair and eccentric personality amongst her classmates. She also struggles to get along with her mother, an anecdote I was empathetic to. I envied Jodie’s bond with Peal, the protagonist and younger sister. To this day I love reading about dynamics between older siblings, most likely because I don’t have an older sibling and I've always craved having someone in my household go through experiences before I did. The ending is unforgettably brutal, Jodie dies after falling off the top of a tower on Bonfire Night in front of her family and newfound friends. Jacqueline’s descriptions of the funeral still haunt me to this day.
If there’s a book I wished Jacqueline had written a sequel to it’s definitely The Diamond Girls. I spend an awful amount of time inside my own head and found Dixie a very relatable character; at various points in the book she tells herself imaginary stories to escape the reality of her situation. Her situation: her family have moved into a new council house that was broken into a few days prior.
The four sisters within the novel all have different fathers and for a variety of reasons, Dixie’s father is the only one their mother, Sue, is still in touch with and she asks for his assistance in their house move. Unsurprisingly, he isn’t available, but he sends his friend Bruce in his place. Dixie and Bruce bond over the course of the novel and he becomes somewhat of a fatherly figure to her - I love platonic, parental relationships like that within fiction. Their bond is by far the best part of the book; the rest of the plotline consists of Sue pretending her newborn is a boy when in fact, they’re a girl, and a teenage pregnancy amongst the sisters. To make matters even more distressing, Dixie’s neighbour and new friend, Mary, is being emotionally and physically abused by her mother. This is evident to readers very early on, though Dixie’s naivety means she doesn’t calculate the situation until much later. Whilst the book, like Lola Rose, has a moderately happy ending (if you count the final chapter taking place in a hospital) there are far too many unanswered questions. Dixie’s father returns at the end, confirming that he has another family, and offers to bring Dixie’s additional sisters along to visit her. I have to know whether or not this occurred and what happened to poor little Mary who, according to Sue, went to live with her uncle and aunt.
I remember Bruce asking Dixie what kind of meals Sue cooked up for her daughters, to which Dixie responded that the family always go down to the chippy. That of all things startled me the most as a kid; my mum is an incredible cook. She hates ordering a pizza or going to the chip shop and only allows it if it's necessary, even to this day. The prospect of being forced to purchase food everyday was very foreign to me.
This all said, this was my favourite of her fictional texts. The family dynamic was so entertaining to read and still holds up, now.
Hi everyone - I hope you're all well!
This was very fun and nostalgic to write. I will most certainly write a part 2, maybe even a part 3. Jacqueline had a LOT of books and I read every single one back in the day. The more traumatic, the better.
I hope you're all okay. Be sure to drop me a message on what you've been up to!
Lots of love,
Karisma
xxxx