Tennessee Williams' Notebooks were written between 1936-1981 and offer an extremely self-reflective and movingly emotive account of Williams' life; he addresses his greatest fears, outlines ideas for plays and attempts to uncover the foundations of his addictions. He writes of his writing, stating that 'the way to write a good play is to convince yourself it is easy to do'. I try and use his advice, telling myself 'don't maul, don't suffer, don't groan till the first draft is finished'. It's a mantra that inspires me to get my writing done even if I feel as though it lacks substance - it can be remedied at the rewriting stage, but first, I need a base.
At one point, Williams writes of a time when he has ‘been happy lately’ but that he’s been ‘wallowing in it selfishly, knowing it won’t last very long.’ Those simple lines gave me the idea to write this poem, I loved how Williams described himself as egoistic for not sharing his happiness with anyone. Any kind of joy is hard to come by these days and it’s so easily spoiled. His words particularly inspired the second stanza in the below poem; there’s nothing selfish about dancing alone but it’s very much necessary. This summer has been apocalyptic for me. It's been one of those times where I feel as though I've been trying to live in a burning house for four months and I'm at the stage where I'm stood outside, feeling the wind touch my skin as I watch my family and friends jump in to try and put the blaze out. A domino line of things has gone wrong. My pragmatism allows me to cope with that, but the lack of solutions is what rips me apart.
I wrote the below poem at the start of July. On the days when I do feel peace, it's a fleeting, whimsical experience that I use to its greatest potential.
I’ve been finding joy in the morning coffee
that I usually drown my troubles in
Allowing the sunlight I shut out every year
to caress and freckle my skin
I put my body through too much, I realise
I was tired, bruised and dare I say thin
But lately I’ve been happy
and to confess to that feels like a sin
I’ve selfishly been dancing alone
behind the backs of those I’ve outgrown
I know the music will eventually end
but for now, it’s nice to not pretend
I’m in my kitchen now, my cheeks sore from smiling
For the first time in months
living doesn’t feel like surviving
After three months of crying, things have turned around
This is euphoria
around me it surrounds
^ My summer.
I hope you're all well! This poem was a very quick write and it has become my most liked piece on Instagram. We reached 400 likes today which is astonishing to me.
Thank you so much for your support as always!
Best wishes,
Karisma
xxxx