If you're a non-American Swiftie like myself you've probably spent the morning after every concert mourning the show you didn't get to attend. Searching what the surprise songs were for each concert has become the first thing I do every morning despite my strict regimen of not looking at my phone while in bed. I've been enchanted by every single performance, particularly the piano rendition of 'Cold as You' and the acoustic 'Sparks Fly'. Chills each time! I couldn't pick what songs I would want to hear, there are so many. Perhaps an underrated gem like 'The Moment I Knew' but I doubt she'd ever want to remind herself of the context. She probably doesn't believe her UK audience knows the track. That said, if we get 'I Don't Want To Live Forever' I wouldn't be too upset, it's a fantastic song. 'London Boy' on the other hand, no thank you.
I wrote the below poem the night after Taylor sang 'You're On Your Own Kid' on the piano. At the time, I was on my way to Stratford-upon-Avon for a weekend trip with Mallika. As I said in my blog post about insomnia, it's my favourite song on Midnights. She perfectly encapsulates the fear of abandonment and rejection whilst simultaneously acknowledging their inevitability. The bridge is my favourite part, I relate to every line; 'everything you lose is a step you take' felt like a warm, reassuring hug.
In Adam Zagajewski's poem 'Try to Praise the Mutilated World' he writes 'remember June's long days, and wild strawberries, drops of wine, the dew'. The month, like the eleven others, is a reason to stay present. I wanted to write a poem that provided the same reassurance. Unlike my other pieces, I actually go back and reread this frequently. I'm especially proud of the last five lines. I've loved rainbows ever since I was a kid for a multitude of reasons. Science aside, the combination of rain and sunshine resulting in something so beautiful is, to me, symbolic of hardships being a stepping stone to better times. I also love the combination of tea and toast, particularly on a Sunday morning.
May has been an unbelievably hard month. I've lost my friends. I've felt unbearably lonely and depressed to the point I had to leave my job. My nan, who was diagnosed with cervical cancer around the time I was doing my GCSE's, has relapsed. I'm about to lose her too and I don't have the support network I once had because people are taking sides in something that has nothing to do with them. I just pray, and hope, that June will bring healing.
There will be crying
Especially after trying
And tripping over hurdles that look like opportunities
And opportunities dressed in ambiguities
Don't fall for
Conveniently held doors
When you take the boat to shore
Remember to take your oars
There is gold at the rainbow's end
A sun and its shine behind clouds of grey
Tea and toast at the end of a dark day
Count your blessings as you pray
Everything will be okay
Happy Pride month everyone! Sending love to every single one of you xxx
- Karisma